Okayyyy... So let's pretend after Andi Dorfman's post-fantasy-suite exit we didn't think Juan Pablo was an egotistical ignoramus with one brain cell. Let's just focus on last night's train wreck of a finale.
#1 - Clare
Juan Pablo's mom warns her that Juanie can be cruel and mean, even making his own mother cry sometimes. While most women would run for the hills, Clare saw this as satisfying proof that she knew Juan just as well as his family does. In fact she was "comforted" by this conversation. Clare trotted off and bragged to the camera, See?! I know him!! I knew someone else must see his jackass side too. Can't wait to get married!!
Clare had irritated me since the beginning of the season, with her constant infatuation with her lips and her fake fairytale voice and smile she put on for the cameras when she talked about Juanie. But the tables quickly turned...
When Juan and Clare are in the helicopter, Juan makes an off-camera statement to Clare along the lines of "I don't really know you, but I like having sex with you." He used an expletive that Clare refused to repeat throughout the finale. Whatever word he used, Clare was majorly offended. Now, don't get me wrong... It's surprising that the woman who was so quick to hop into the ocean for some X-rated activities with a man she barely knew is the same one who is offended he views her as possessing physical qualities only. Still, I was proud of Clare for standing up for her self worth and asserting that his statement and his opinion of her were both inappropriate and disrespectful.
Somehow, just when I was beginning to cheer for Clare, Juan came and asked her for besitos during their last hour together and she completely, totally caved. She should have told Juanie exactly where he could place his besitos but she didn't. He fed her some tripe about her being special because she met his family?? And he told her that they would have to be quiet about their relationship for four months, but not to worry... They would start having children in a year?? Manipulation successful... Clare turned into a puddle of happy mush.
I was convinced that Clare was a weak woman desperate for the confirmation of a man's love through a ring on her finger. But she proved me wrong yet again.
Clare rolls up to the proposal looking like an island goddess in teal. Juanie tells her that she is not the girl he wants to marry and, after a minute or so to process what just happened, Clare turns into Wonder Woman. I swear this strong, powerful woman was inside Clare the whole time but she just fooled us with her giggling, schoolgirl crush on Juan Pablo.
Wonder Woman Clare gathers her confidence, blocks Juan's hug, and sends some powerful statements his way: "You are not the man I thought you were." "I lost respect for you." "I would never want my children having a father like you." With a she-lion stare and a hair flip, Clare informs Juanie that she doesn't care to know when he made his decision... And she power-walks away.
Back at the After the Final Rose studio, Clare sits and talks to Chris Harrison, calmly telling him that she doesn't need to have a conversation with Juan Pablo because she's over him and has moved past the whole situation. Class. Who knew Clare had it in her?! In that quick moment, she gave women everywhere a perfect example of how to stand up for yourself and move past a bad situation with class and grace. You go, Clare. (But seriously... Get a grip on that nasty tongue/lip habit)
#2 - Neeeekki
Nikki got her fair warning from Juan Pablo's family as well. Juanie's father basically tells Neeeeki that Juan can be a stubborn, selfish jerkface. In answer, Nikki just mumbles in circles and gives some producer-coached bullshit statement about the experience being "amazing". WHAT?!?!?! You just talked with someone's father for twenty minutes about your relationship with their son and all they can tell you about their son are negative things?!?! Huge warning sign. Huge.
If that's not enough, Juanie's mom asks Nikki if she's sure this is the guy for her, and Juanie's cousin warns her that Juanie runs away from relationships as soon as there is a problem. Nikki just smiles and turns the tables to rainbows and butterflies again.
"I didn't think I was going to be this nervous tonight." You could tell Nikki didn't feel right about the whole situation, but she refuses to let herself put her thoughts and emotions into words. Instead, she says goodbye to Juan Pablo on their last date and begins to sob quietly in her hotel room.
Note to women everywhere: if your thoughts on your impending proposal involve tears and sadness, do not say 'yes' to him. That is a huge warning sign. Anything - a future involving cats and Easy Mac - anything is better than being tied to someone who isn't your everything for the rest of your life. And sitting in your St. Lucia hotel room, sobbing into your crochet maxi dress the night before your proposal is a major sign he is not your everything.
Instead of an engagement ring, Juanie offers Neeeekki a flower. Really, Juan?! You didn't even have to buy that ring; you could at least give it to her for putting up with the same 4 phrases you spoke all season. In this scene, for just a second, you get a sense that Nikki may be boiling inside and about to whack him with that rose.
But she doesn't... She accepts the damn rose and continues this charade until After the Final Rose, where Nikki sits and blinks like a My Size Barbie Doll. She has no opinions, no idea of what their future plans entail, and doesn't even seem to care that she loves Juanie and he does not love her.
Neeekki is what is wrong with so many women these days. Somehow, the Sexual Revolution was supposed to give women all this power and opportunity... Except it didn't. It gave men the opportunity to be as committed as they chose to be, and in turn put many women in the position to beg and grovel for attention and commitment. As Nikki sat there blinking, a little lost doll, she looked like a pathetic reminder that some women will do almost anything in hopes of receiving a man's love.
Please do not be a Nikki. There are so many wonderful things you can do with your life... If you find someone to share that with, great. If not, your life will still be incredible. And no matter what, your situation will be much better than sitting quietly while a man tells America that he doesn't love you and doesn't have any plans to be with you.
#3 - Juan Diablo
"Whew! Glad I didn't pick her." There were so many times I wished I could kick this man in the teeth last night.
I don't want to waste much time on him except to say he turned out to be just another arrogant, ignorant, rude, cruel human being with semi-decent looks. I'm amazed the producers could cover up his disgusting character for so long.
I can picture the types of women he attracts. Trashy, desperate, looking for muscles and that's about it. It makes me sick that he's raising a daughter.
And why on Earth did he decide to be so rude to Chris Harrison and the entire concept of The Bachelor?? Here's a hint so it doesn't get lost in translation, Juanie... When you sign up for a nationally televised show designed around finding the woman you'll spend the rest of your life with, chances are it will be public.
But don't worry, nobody is going to care about what happens to Juanie after this. Except maybe his ex, who will likely be expecting that $4,000 he's behind on child support.
Eeees NOT okay.